Hail To Thee, Fat Person (How I Got Fat)

I would like to explain how it came to pass, that I got fat
Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service

When I was a child, my mother said to me
"Clean the plate; because people are starving in Europe"
And I might point out, that was years before the Marshall Plan was ever heard of

So, I would clean the plate; four, five, six times a day
Because, somehow, I felt that that would keep the children from starving in Europe

But, I was wrong
They kept starving, and I got fat
So, I would like to say to every one of you, who is either skinny, or in some other way, normal

When you walk out on the street and you see a fat person
Do not scoff at that fat person; oh, no
Take off your hat; hold it over your heart
Lift your chin up high
And in a proud, happy voice, say to him
"Hail to thee, fat person
You've kept us out of war!"