By Myself

Feel like I live inside a world where I do not belong
I put this mask over my face and act like nothing's wrong
Anyone I ever try to love becomes withdrawn
Soon as I realize that they're ugly, I start moving on (yeah)
I'm by myself again (yeah)
I'm by myself again (yeah)
Looking in the mirror at my only friend (yeah)
Yeah, I'm by myself again (by myself again)

My tears been beggin' for a shoulder
Been through hell, my heart is smoldered
Every flame just makes it colder, yeah (yeah)
And all the gold I had on, it just melted
That's why people do not value me
They just label me selfish, yeah (yeah)

You ever done so much wrong that you don't pray?
People know there's something going on, but they don't stay
Wake up in the morning, but it feels like an old day
Another broken record, but the record won't play
Stuck in my old ways, act like I'm okay
Innocence so dead, it's a cold case
All the built-up pain 'bout to avalanche (avalanche)
I can't afford another snowflake

I'm second-guessing what's inside of me
The better man I try to be
Got murder silently (ain't no reviving me)
I try to see the light, but it's so dark
Seek forgiveness, but it's so hard
These tats and band-aids, I'm so scarred
This world I'm in don't know my heart

Feel like I live inside a world where I do not belong
I put this mask over my face and act like nothing's wrong
Anyone I ever try to love becomes withdrawn
Soon as I realize that they're ugly, I start moving on (yeah)
I'm by myself again (yeah)
I'm by myself again (yeah)
Looking in the mirror at my only friend (yeah)
Yeah, I'm by myself again

All these thoughts creep up when it's bedtime
My mind goin' full speed, everything redlined
Need to make time for myself, but I can't 'cause the deadlines
Runnin' from these fires with my names on their headlines
I have no sanctuary, mental health comes secondary
They won't see my magnitude
'Til the day I'm dead and buried

Everybody wants beef when you focus on peace
Inbox full of people asking why I won't speak
Bringing back the old me means that I'm bothered
The old me can't be a husband or father, I know that hurts
I can still feel the pain in my vein when I listen to a throwback verse
You can label me a bitch, I don't give two shits
Going back to the old me is so much worse

These knife wounds came in typhoons
My back bruised, but my eyes zoomed
Don't phony shit, fake homie shit
Should've cut you off when I know the shit
But I'ma own the shit and learn from my faults
Got a ball with some snakes, and I know that's wrong
Had love for the weak, just know that's gone
From now on, I ain't putting no one on, 'cause I

Feel like I live inside a world where I do not belong
I put this mask over my face and act like nothing's wrong
Anyone I ever try to love becomes withdrawn
Soon as I realize that they're ugly, I start moving on (yeah)
I'm by myself again (yeah)
I'm by myself again (yeah)
Looking in the mirror at my only friend (yeah)
Yeah, I'm by myself again