I'M Glad You'Re Here (Tw:Si)

Eight billion people, I still feel alone
Two hundred countries, no one home
You'd think it helped to know the scale of it all
Still we fall, still I fall down

I used to stare up from the bottom of tall buildings
And imagine I'd arrived fresh from the top
It's a couple seconds, panic us with seconds of pain
And then it stops

A simple eulogy lists my surviving family neglects
To name my disappointed friends
Not to mention enemies, folks happy to be rid of me
I thought they'd get the last laugh in the end

Lots done me dirty, never hoped to see my thirties
Now they're creeping on me right around the bend
I'm either too cowardly to think of what you'd think of me
Or too brave to let depression be my end

So many people I'd have hurt had I died
I'm glad I gave up, gave up, gave up, gave up suicide
I used to bathe in my depression
Sometimes hours I consider my reflections in a blade

It's a stinging, it's a dizziness, regret or relief
And then it fades
A loved one basks the lock to find me steeping in deep rims
In my last image, they'll recall as time goes by

The ladder on the couch
I'm down, I do my best to explain
But never quenches their desire to know why

Ain't it funny, wasn't even in my 20s
By the time I felt my welcome overstayed
I'm either too proud to be another fucking problem
Or I've humbly faced mistakes that I've made

Caught so much trauma either way when you try
I'm glad I gave up
Gave up, gave up
Gave up suicide

Eight billion people, I still feel alone
Two hundred countries, no one home
You'd think it'd help to know the scale of it all
Still we fall, still I fall down

Used to romanticize the stillness of a rope
After my writhing body found its way to peace
There's a snapping if I'm lucky
Or I'll choke if it's botched, but then release

Struggle at the morgue just to identify the body
Hard to make much of my bloated purple face
A beautician does their best to put it back the way it was
My open casket shows off what's still out of place

Well, ain't it strange how quickly hopelessness consumes us
Convinces us it never goes away
I'm either hanging on to hope
Or I'll be hanging from a rope

And only one of them allows for better days
No one recovers from the loss of a friend
I'm glad I gave up, gave up
Gave up on the end

Eight billion people, I still feel alone
Two hundred countries, no one home
You'd think it'd help to know the scale of it all
Still we fall, still I fall down

Eight billion people, not one alone
Two hundred countries, this whole world's home
It's hard to see it in the thick of it all
Still we fall, we all fall down