Crispy Critters

One day about four or five years ago
We's a-sittin' at the Conoco station
Kickin' tires and swattin' flies
And discussin' the state of the union
When right out in front of the Baptist church
Come a big old purple school bus
Had astrological signs upon it
And 35 hippies and dogs inside
About half of 'em went for the courthouse lawn

And them dogs commenced on the fire plug
Rest of 'em sat there, starin' at us
And I says, "Roy, go get your flit gun"
He says, "Which is the hippies and which is the dogs?"
I says, "Beats the hell outta me, Roy"
What they was was a bunch of them crispy critters
And the leader was a space cadet
And he says, "Sagittarius, we has arrived prepare to disembark, man
Get the incense goin' and the sitar out
We gonna camp in the city park, man"

I says, "Boys, let me explain the situation to ya
A, you're gettin' me down
And B, we got us a leash law here
And C, you in the wrong town
You drop one string of beads in that there park
And you gonna see a whole lotta stars
You got 15 seconds to get outta town, boys
Or we gonna blow you to Mars"

Well, they all got back in the purple bus
And proceeded to the city limits
Then the telephone rang, it was the swimmin' pool
Says a mess of wild critters was in it
So we all got in the Marshalls Plymouth
Which is always at the Conoco station
Went flashin' on down to the swimmin' pool
To give them critters a citation

By the time we arrived, it was too damn late
Them critters had all had their pants down
Them dogs was tearin' the bathhouse apart
And they's after the fish in the fishpond
I says, "Roy, you get the one in the silver T-shirt
And I'll get the rest with a net
We gonna have a jail full of naked crispy critters
And a drip-dried space cadet"

Well, we gave 'em hell, but we lost the war
'Cause them critters outnumbered us
So they moved in and set up camp
And they lived in that purple school bus
Six weeks later, there was nothin' in town
But 84 dogs and a head shop

Sellin' dried-up weeds and sunflower seeds
And astrological postcards
Yeah, critters took over the city council
And the dogs all barked their brains out
And the whole damn town was crispy critters
And the mayor was a space cadet