Practically Perfect (London Cast Recording)

By the time the wind has blown the weather vane around
I'll show you if I can
No matter what the circumstance for one thing I'm renowned
My character is spit-spot-spic and span

I'm practically perfect in every way

Practically perfect?

So people say
Each virtue virtually knows no bound
Each trait is great and patently sound

I'm practically perfect from head to toe
If I had a fault it would never dare to show
I'm so practically perfect in every way

Both prim and proper and never too stern
Well-educated yet willing to learn
I'm clean and honest my manner refined
And I wear shoes of the sensible kind

I suffer no nonsense and whilst I remain
There's nothing else I feel I need to explain

I'm practically perfect in every way
Practically perfect, that's my forte
Uncanny nannies are hard to find
Unique yet meek, unspeakably kind

I'm practically perfect not slightly soiled
Running like an engine that's just been freshly oiled!
I'm so practically perfect in every way

Well, those are my credentials
Perhaps you have a few questions?

Not tempermental?

Never

Not grouchy or gruff?

Oh! The very thought

Will you stay tender when the going gets tough?

Quite the contrary

Do you read stories without a big fuss?

Mm-hm

Or have objections to playing with us?

Oh, I like games
But I choose them

Some minor improvements may not go a miss
But at all times you must remember this

You're practically perfect in every way

I guarantee!

Practically perfect, we hope you'll stay

No flies on me
Each virtue virtually knows no bound
Each trait is great

And patently sound

Spit spot!

Jane, put your toys away, please

Do I have to?

Yes
Michael, tidy your things

It's not fair!

I didn't say I was fair, I said

I'm practically perfect and here's my aim
By the time I leave here, you both will be the same
You'll be practically perfect

Practically perfect

You (we) will be practically perfect in every way!