Cledus Went Down To Florida

Cledus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal
He was in a bind, ten payments behind, so the bank repo'd his wheels
When he came across this old man down at Jalopy's used car lot
Then Cledus jumped up on the top of one
Said "Feller let me tell ya what"
I'm not gonna be proud of the deed I'm 'bout to do
With no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere
So I'm gonna steal a car from you
Now I've seen your selection here and I admit the pickin's are few
I know the Pinto's gold but consider
It stole 'cause I got a show to do
The man said "My name's Jalopy" as he gave an evil grin
'Cause he knew that car wouldn't get
Too far 'fore the motor blew up again
Cledus you better hit the road if you're gonna be a star
The show's way up in Georgia and you're openin' up for Garth
Your future's ridin' on this shiny Pinto painted gold
And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show
Oh Garth, a Pinto my foot, it drives more like a horse and buggy, dern
Cledus said, "No way in heck he's gonna open up that show"
Then fire flew from the manifold as his right front tire blowed
Then he pushed that wreck across the street and man was Cledus pissed
And he tried and tried to start '
Er up but it sounded somethin' like this
Come on, come on, oh Garth, I'm in a mess
What am I gonna do, my one big shot for Garth Brooks?
When Cledus opened up the hood, he said "I'll be a son of a gun"
And it didn't take long to figure out why the heck it wouldn't run
Fire from the engine, lots of smoke
He can already hear them redneck jokes
Dag-blamed oil pan layin' in the road
Will he make the show? Heck no, heck no
Ho ho, taxi, Greyhound, Elbert cab, somebody!
I'll show him a redneck, he'll have a red neck
When I get my hands around his throat
I'm sick of it
Cledus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show
And he heard him joke of how he passed the burnin' gold Pinto
Then later on Garth told Cledus, "You'll never get the chance again"
As he gave the check to that dern redneck who drove a Mercedes Benz
He said, "Tough break, big guy, before I go
Would you like to hear another redneck joke?
Did you know I got my own TV show?"
Well does anybody watch it? (No heck no)
Well you might be a redneck if your momma and daddy catches
You out behind the barn whippin' Jeff Foxworthy for talkin'
About rednecks all the time. Aw shoot, I'm just kiddin'
Jeff, I wish I could be your best friend, do you like
Me? I'd love to be on your TV show. Come here to me!