I Hate That I Love You

What you said really hurt me
And what you did was even worse

I remember what you said, that shit tore me to pieces
That I was somethin' that you wanted but not really needed
I used pray for someone like you, coulda sworn I was dreamin'
Then I woke up and realized you were one of my demons

Now I'm contemplatin' life and wonderin' what's ahead
If it's without you, I might choose to not live it instead
You gave me life and without you, I fuckin' feel like I'm dead (feel like I'm dead)
And as I'm writin' this song, I'm currently trapped in my head

And now it's dead weight, yeah it hurts
I don't understand why we just couldn't work (why?)
Wish that we could speak, but I can't find the words
You know that I'm hurt, and you don't care and that just makes it worse (you don't care)

So when I see you smile, I fill my cup and write another verse
Battlin' myself and evil thoughts
Tried to spend my life with you, I didn't know what it would cost
Shoulda never came to Cali, never opened up my heart

Wish I never found love, 'cause I never woulda lost
This this every day, ask myself why didn't she stay
Lookin' up to heaven, askin' God to take away this pain
I know that I love you and I know that you don't feel the same

And that's what's killin' me inside and causin' me to go insane, fuck
Said we're too different, told me we would never work
Always put me second, I would sprint but couldn't finish first
Got too comfortable and let my guard down when you realized I did you took my feelings, and you threw 'em in the fuckin' dirt

Matchin' tattoos, I can't believe that you convinced me
Now you're gone, and it's the only thing that keeps you here with me
Yeah, I hate but I love you, you left but still see me
If you needed it right now, I'd still give you my kidney

I'm lost, can't see another woman, I'm blind
And if I do, God's gonna have to pry open my eyes
You gon' laugh and say I'm weak until you realize and find
That sharin' love is the meanin' and whole purpose of life

And when you do and hear this song, you will cry and sing along
And realize that you don't wanna die old and alone
And I'll be here still writin' on my phone, isolated in my home
Drunk half-way gone screamin', I still love you! (I swear)

And wouldn't put no one above you (no one)
Even though you fuckin' lied, somethin' in me still trusts you
I would die for you, kill for you, end my whole career
They could cut off both my arms, and I'd still find a way to hug you

I don't mean to make this music, but it's somethin' that I must do
Fuck you, I motherfuckin' hate that I love you
I only run to you 'cause I can't run from you
You took my child away, he was my fuckin' son too

I hate that I love you
I hate that I love you