Dread Rock (Live)

Cool, innit? Nice 'ere
I think I'll have a lie on the sand
May as well get me rock out
D'you know what?
I think I can hear a band playing somewhere

When I go down the seaside, I'm feeling rather rude
The girls in their bikinis are showing all their boobs
And when they see my stick of rock, they all shout out with glee
"Before you give it all away, please save one left for me!"

Oh, ho-ho, oh, what a big one!
I've never seen one as big as that before
Oh, ho-ho, oh, what a big one!
It must be fourteen inches long or more

I took a stroll along the beach, my rock was in my hand
I saw a girl was buried up to her neck in sand
She said, "Some boys did this to me, please help get me out"
But before I could assist her, my
Rock shot in her mouth, and she cried

"Oh, what a big one!
I've never seen one as big as that before
Oh, ho-ho, oh, what a big one!
It must be fourteen inches long or more"

Now, I'm always in the discos as soon as the sun goes down
I chat up all the nice girls with bodies nice and brown
I take 'em back to my shelly and they always get a shock
For when I turn the light on, they see
The size of me rock, and they'll cry

"Oh, what a big one!
I've never seen one as big as that before
Oh, ho-ho, oh, what a big one!
It must be fourteen inches long or more"

Me holidays are over, me rock goes home with me
Although it's not as big as it was, it's big enough for me
If you want to know where my girlfriend
Is, take a look around the place
She's the one in the corner with a
Smile upon her face, 'cause she knows

That it's a big one
She's never seen one as big as that before
Oh, ho-ho, oh, what a big one!
It must be fourteen inches long or more

Woo! Ha-ha, God Almighty
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much
What we're gonna do, we will do one more
What it's gonna be, it's gonna be one written by a local peasant
Called Elton John, or known to his friends as Reg
Now, Elton wrote this song, I suppose
He must've done it with me in mind
'Cause it was him who reminded me about it
It's a thing called "Jamaica Jerk-Off"
Now, a jerk-off in Jamaican means exactly what it does in this country
Now, we're all adult people 'ere, it means to pull your plonker
Now, now, before we go any further, I must say to you
For me as an artist, which is politely known
As the arsehole end of the business I am
Because I'm the one everybody steps on
Now, the thing is, for me to come out and see a place full up
For me personally, and it's the only way
People ever seriously come out and see me
Because you never hear me on the telly
You never see me, nothing at all
For me to come here and see it full up, it's marvellous
Thank you very much, goodnight and God bless