12 Days Of Redneck Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas in our trailer park, sitting in my underwear, all alone in the dark
I got a jailhouse call from a cousin I love
Now my front yard is all full of her stuff, Noah
I think I just wrote the greatest redneck 12 days of Christmas ever
Let's sing it
How about you let me sing it?
You're slightly better than me
Let's go, let's do it

On the first day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me a blonde squirrel in a pine tree, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not a blonde, a fox squirrel in a pine tree
Well, not only learn how to spell
Take it from the top

On the first day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me a fox squirrel in a pine tree
Is that better?
Slightly

On the second day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me two tar swings and a fox squirrel in a pine tree
What's a tar?

On the third day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me three John Boats, two tar swings and a fox squirrel in a pine tree
That was the Dale Earnhardt verse

On the fourth day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me four Bristol tickets, three John Boats, two tar swings and a fox squirrel in a pine tree
It's Bristol, baby

On the fifth day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me
I gat this, I gat this, five camo crocs
Please never do that again
Noah, listen did you know that my ADD is kicking in, and I really want to just skip straight ahead to 12
Well, Nunley, I just say let's go

On the 12th day of Christmas, my cousin gave to me 12 Fords of Revan, 11 Hound Dogs Howlin', 10 Redfin Glasses, nine Kids a-Screamin'
Nunley, your cousin gave you 9 Kids a-Screamin'?
My cousin didn't give them to me, DHS, look, it's a family matter
Let's just keep going eight chicken livers, seven gators, rasslin' six packs of Natty, five Camo Crocs, four Bristol tickets, three John Boats, two Tar Swings, and a fox squirrel in a pine tree

It's Redneck Christmas, y'all
We give so fine shotgun shells, moonshine wine, pickup trucks, and hunting gear
Merry Christmas, y'all, let's spread some cheer

12 Fords of Revan, 11 Hound Dogs Howlin', faster
10 Redfin Glasses, nine Kids a-Screamin', pick it up
Eight chicken livers, seven gators, rasslin' six packs of Natty, five Camo Crocs
Go fast, go fast
Four Bristol tickets, three John Boats, two Tar Swings, and a fox squirrel in a pine tree
Redneck Christmas y'all, gifts so fine, shotgun shells, moonshine wine, pickup trucks, and hunting gear
Merry Christmas y'all, let's spread some cheer

Nunley, why'd your cousin give you all that stuff?
Well, she's going away for a bit like the lawyer said we couldn't talk about it, you know, I was really wanting to sing about hooker headers, but my wife said it was inappropriate
Even though it's a car park
Well, you are from Alabama
You know, even Santa Claus wears crimps and roll tide

Well, Merry Christmas, Nunley
Merry Christmas, y'all
Take that, Foxworthy, did you know that I am smarter than a fifth grader?
Now you do