The Mysterious "J" (Live)

In the book, there are several chapters
About women talking and women writing
Now it seems likely that men invented writing, and wrote, what?
Maybe 90, maybe 95 percent of everything that's ever been written
Oh, there is the recent theory that a woman, the mysterious J
Wrote much of the Old Testament, but only because God was
Portrayed in these books as patriarchal, tyrannical, and
Inconsistent, the way, presumably
Only a woman would write about a man

But I feel like I can picture this J scribbling away and laughing
Although the first time I saw the Bible reenacted was sometime
In the seventies, and there was a cable TV show in the Midwest
And Bible study groups would act out parts of the Bible
But these were pretty low budget productions, and shot in a
Church basement or somebody's rec room. And all the prophets
Had towels wrapped around their heads for turbans, but you could
See the tags, the ones with the washing instructions sort of
Sticking out in back. There were very few women in these tapes
They tended to be the odd shepherdess or dancing girl bit part

Then last year I was invited to perform in Israel, and I was very
Excited because I wanted to see Jerusalem, where this mysterious J
Had spent her life writing and working. And the
Gulf War had made me even more curious. So I
Did some asking around, some informal research
And I talked to an Israeli woman who was living in New York
And she was really having a hard time living there. And
She was always complaining about American men. And she'd say

"You know, American men are such wimps. I mean they're
Always talking about their feelings." And I said, "They are?"
And she said she really liked Israeli men because they were so
Tough and because they all had guns. And I said, "Guns? You
Like guys with guns?" And she said she did. And she went on
About how terrible it was that Clinton wanted to reduce the
Army. And she was so adamant about this that I started to get
Kind of worried. I thought, "Yeah, that's true. What are all
These military people going to do when they lose their jobs?"

And then I thought, "Well, hang on. We've got all these service
Industries now, things like psychotherapy. And
The military approach to psychotherapy would really
Be kind of perfect, really efficient and fast."
You know, "Listen, you are nothing. You are a worm
And if you don't get that mother complex solved
By, oh, four hundred hours, you are dead meat."