The Transit Van

Margret thatcher talking on TV
Looks so sincere as she says to me
"There'd be no unemployment
If you all use a bit of initiative"

I was on the dole I was broke and bored
Says, "Aye I'll take her at her word!"
Got a loan from a credit union man
And I bought myself a transit van

My next step un the ladder now
I bought myself an old fat sow
Crossed the border quite legally
Collected a common market subsidy

Signed all the form and gave back the pen
Smuggled a sow back home again
Ten times a day I'd work this plan
Myself and the sow and the transit van

Travel sickness the sow picked up
Says "Aye it's time to diversify"
Took all my money for the biscuit tin
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin

Around the south, my wares I'd sell
In public houses and hotels
There was never a guard, nor a customs man
Put his nose inside of the transit van

Festivals and fleadhs and fair
If the craic was good you'd find me there
At all big matches in Croke park
And I danced with Springsteen in the dark

I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe
I danced on the streets around Listowel
Mothers had there daughters warned
Stay well away from the transit van

It being lent and the drink trade slow
I changed to carrying video
When on the road to Ballybay
Found a customs roadblock in my way

Faced the border I got her turned
The engine roared and the tires burned
Five patrol cars fully maned
Were in hot pursuit of the transit van

Through Clontibret I did go
I was heading for the county Mayo
Round a corner I hit a dog
Went over the ditch landed in the bog

I sat on a bank watched all I owned
Sinking in the bog hole like a stone
She was lying on the roof the wheels still turning
And the stereo playing Daniel O'Donnell

Now I'm back where I first began
No job no money but I've a plan
There a girl down in Mullingar
She can hold my future in her hand

She doesn't look like a film star
But she's been telling me about her dad
He has no property or land
But he has two sows and a transit van

The Queen of England drives a Rolls Royce car
Her son Charlie has a Jaguar
But when the pope came to Ireland
Like myself
He drove around in a transit van