Talkin' Candy Bar Blues

Bought a candy bar the other day
Only ate half, gonna throw the rest away
When I saw this kid playin' in the street, I said, "Hey kid, you want somethin' to eat?"
He said, "What?"
I said, "Candy, son", he said, "Help"
Then he started to run, and I stood there
Watchin' him go, half a bar of chocolate a-runnin' down my fingers

Well, the kid comes back in a minute or two
But his mom's with him and the neighbors too
And they got the kid scared, it's plain to see
They say, "Which one done it?" he points at me
He says, "Him, I say, "What do you mean?"
He says, "You", then he starts to scream

And I'm standin', everybody's lookin'
Everybody's starin' at me
Howdy-doody, y'all waitin' for the bus?
Ah, a little late, isn't it? Anybody got a watch?
We could, uh, see how late it is
I got a better idea, let's find somebody with a watch, and stare at him"

Well, some start pickin' up baseball bats
And the others are pullin' the pins from their hats
I think this thing's gone a little too far
Hell, I only offered him a candy bar, I said, "Wait"
I said, "What are you doin'?", they said, "pre-vert, the kid's life is ruined"
Oh-well, then you better check what he's chewin'
I got the feelin' he's in the middle of a bubble gum orgy

Well, they're comin' at me, and I'm backin' away
And then I hear this policeman say, "Are you positive he's the right man?"
I quickly flicked the candy bar out of my hand
He says, "Show me", I say, "Show you what?"
He says, "The candy bar, you degenerate", and he grabs me
He grabs both my hands, pretty easy to see
Which hand's got the chocolate?

Well, I've had some troubled times before
But none like the trip from the candy store
Sympathize with the kid alright
Somebody's nice to ya, probably ain't right
I'll grow up, I'll learn the way
I'll learn, so that my later days'll be prosperous
Chocolate covered, if I don't bite off more than I can hide