Off Broadway (Feat. Stephen Colbert)

Broadway is the dream of a lifetime for kids of every age
When I was little, I'd hold my fiddle and bow as if on stage
Broadway is also a street
And streets have a gutter
And gutters strip feet
You could say my fiddle cracked
And there's no second act

Get off of Broadway
That push and prod way
Go find a little reprieve
Where no tourist tugs at your sleeve
Asking you which way is Broadway
When you're standing on Broadway
And Broadway's got a sign on it
That you won't believe

Get off of Broadway
That hide your wadway
Go safely show off your green
Pay for drinks where you can be seen
You'll never do that on Broadway
'Cause the rats on Broadway
In broad daylight will pick your pocket clean

Just awful Broadway, well east of the Prairie Domes
They do things God's way
Far enough from fellas humming all the show tunes
Awful Broadway, the slobs applaud
A mediocre melody at best
Can't tell Richard Rogers from the rest
They ought to get off of Broadway
Hear the downtown jazz play
And put these words of wisdom to the test

Oh yes, young man, go west of Broadway
Or east of Broadway
Oh, off of Broadway is best