It'S A Hit!

Listen to that!
Will you listen to that!

Do you know what that means?
Let me tell you what that means—
Wait, no—
Anyone who even thinks it
Don't say it
You'll jinx it

Listen to that!

Did you listen to that?

Does that make you feel proud?
Well, feel more than just proud—
Okay, wait
I'll tempt fate
And I'll state it out loud
That's the sound of a—

Hit!
It's a hit!
Gang, I think this is it!
No more writing clever little shows
For those basement saloons
No more proclamations from the pros
That you "can't hum the tunes"—

No more sneaking in at intermission
To the plays you wish you could afford—

Or producers having you audition
Whenever they're bored—

And who say right away
As you play the first chord
Boys, boys, it's very—
What is the word? Interesting
And if I had even the slightest belief any audiences would come
I would do it in a minute. Next!

We're a hit!
We're a hit!

Standing up—
The whole bit!

No more coaching those sopranos
With voices like bees—

No more secondhand pianos
With six broken keys—

No more agents giving you opinions
As they turn you over to their minions—

Just for these
Guarantees
We should please
Thank the Lord!

It's a hit!
It's a hit!

Will my folks have a fit!
After all of that baloney
They made me go through
All that, "Honey, not that he's a phony
But what does he do?"
Will their faces be stony
When they see on their Sony
Someone handing the phony
A Tony Award!

Oh! I would like to begin by thanking all of the hundreds of people
Who have turned down every show I have ever written
So that I could win tonight for this one
Thank you!

Listen to that!
Will you listen to that?
Tell me
Is that a noise
Or is that a noise?
That is a noise
We've been waiting
The whole of our lives to hear!

Listen to that! (Listen to that!)
Will you listen to that? (Listen to that!)
Honey, is that a noise (I can't)
Or is that a noise? (Stand it!)
That is the loveliest noise
For a bread-winning wife to hear!
Listen to that!
That's obscene! (Will you listen to that!)
Listen to that! (Fellas)
That is a noise
That is really a noise!

That is the noise I've been I can't listen to that!
Will you listen to that, will you
Will you listen to that!
That's the sound of an audience
Losing its mind!
It's the Pope on his balcony
Blessing mankind!

Folks, it's Funny Girl, Fiddler
And Dolly combined!

It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a palpable hit!

If it only even runs a minute
At least it's a wedge
It's the theater and we're really in it
Not just on the edge!

If your spirits ever need improving
You can drop in any night for free!

But the thing that's positively moving—

You could have fooled me—

—Is we're still old friends!
Nothing can kill old friends!
Where there's a will, old friends
Don't need success to survive!
And us, old friends
What's to discuss, old friends?

We've got a surefire genuine
Walk-away blockbuster
Lines down to Broadway
Boffola sensational
Box office lalapalooza gargantuan—

Hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!