If It Don'T Align... I Decline

If it don't align I decline

Not after a second guess
Not after I pray about it for six weeks while I ignore my intuition
Not after I twist myself into a yes I never wanted to give
No I decline
Because I've betrayed myself too many times
In the name of being nice
In the name of not ruffling feathers
In the name of being the bigger person while I shrunk myself into silence just to be loved a little louder
But baby I've learned peace has a price
And the invoice shows up in your body when your spirit ain't at rest
I used to say yes with a smile and cry in private

I used to show up for people who wouldn't even text back let alone pour back into me
I used to contort
make myself bendable tolerable convenient
But now
Now I sit with myself in the quiet and ask
Does this feel like peace or performance
Does this stretch me or stress me
Does this reflect who I'm becoming or who I'm still afraid to outgrow
And if the answer ain't aligned with my assignment
If it drains instead of develops me
If it's forcing instead of flowing
I DECLINE

Not with an attitude I ain't tryna be rude
But I said what I said and I said it with authority
Because I'm finally the authority on me
And I don't need permission to honor my body my needs my no
So don't ask me to dim my light
Don't guilt me into places where I gotta beg for belonging
Don't tell me I've changed hell I'm supposed to

Growth gon' look like distance
Healing gon' sound like silence
And boundaries
They gon' feel like betrayal to the ones who benefited from your lack of them
But I'm not available for guilt trips anymore

I'm not subscribing to shame
I cancel my membership to the club where I had to earn love through self-neglect
I'm not showing up to spaces that don't clap when I win
I'm done overexplaining to people who ain't trying to understand me anyway
So yes
If it don't align I decline

And I'll say it again louder for the version of me who used to whisper her truth through tears

If it don't align I DECLINE

If it don't align I DECLINE