Madonna: The Unauthorized Rusical

Madonna X is a lover
Madonna X is a mystery
Madonna X is an Uber driver
But, sometimes she drives for Lyft too

In 1984, on American Bandstand
Dick Clark asked me: "Madonna, what's next?"
I wanna (rule the world)

I wanna rule the world (rule the world)
Crucifix, don't shave my pits (rule the world)
I want to rule the world (rule the world)
Gonna grab it by the balls

Shared a name with my mother
She died when I was five years old
Turned the hurt around
Knew I was destined, for something more

With a name like Madonna
I could be a saint or a sinner
So, I started dancing
Won't stop 'til I'm a winner (rule the world)

I wanna rule the world (rule the world)
I'm not your average girl (rule the world)
I wanna rule the world (rule the world)

Hello Ru, this is Madonna, call me in Miami
I know exactly what I want
The groove is calling out to me
So, I became my own icon
I own MTV

Rolling around in a wedding gown
A dirty blonde with a sexy mole
Just like Marilyn
I had material goals (ah, ah)

'Cause I'm a boy toy, baby
And all the little girls dress like me
'Cause I'm a boy toy, baby
And all the others are just wannabes

I'm a boy toy and I ain't gonna stop
I'm a boy toy, call me a boy toy
Because I'm the one on top (call me a boy toy)
I'm a boy toy

My next album went platinum fast
And so did I

Critics don't know what to make of me
Am I real art or publicity?
My music videos stir up controversy

Haters criticize my blond ambition
Double standard, is it 'cause I'm a woman?
I'm gonna express myself
And you'll pay more than attention (I want more than attention)

(Unapologetic) defying old taboos
(Unapologetic) 'cause sex is power too
Making art isn't easy
But that's why I do it (so you can get into it)
(Unapologetic) did I make you stare?
(Unapologetic) now kiss my derriere
Making art isn't easy
And I've got the scars to prove it
So you can get into it

Hello, fellas!
Love who you love
You know there's more than one way to play
Bullet bras are the way to go far
Thank you, Jean Paul Gaultier
Pinstripe suits can be subversive
But listen to what I say

Leading men and Latin studs
I love them like nobody else
But gay men are the ones who intrigue me
I should have been born one myself

God bless the gays (God bless the gays)
LGBT
God bless the gays (God bless the gays)
GMHC

More than an advocate, we went through serious shit
Our bond got stronger and stronger
Like a prayer does a mourner (like a prayer)
God bless the gays (God bless the gays)
God bless the children
God bless the gays
God bless the gays

So, after dressing you up in my love
There was only one thing left to do
Take it all off

I made a video in Paris (ooh la la)
It was too hot for MTV (ouch)
So it became the first VHS single (kerching)
Now, when pop stars shake their cakes on Instagram
I say: "You're welcome"

Posing, disrobing, opposing, for you
As I (must define my brand)
Girls and boys kissing, censors hissing
As I (must define my brand)
Whips, bare nips, not just the tips
As I (must define my brand)

I'm seductive, not reductive
I'm erotic, you're neurotic
'Cause I (must defide my brand)
Because I'm what?
Whipsmart

I never wanted to be an actress
I thought I'd stick to music
But I was desperate-ly seeking something
And then Sean gave me Shanghai Surprise, and a ring

Some people wondered, "Who's that girl?"
I was just breathless over Dick (Tracy)
Though I knew that I was in a league of my own (a league of her own)

I was born to play Eva, yes voice lessons!
A golden globe for all the haters
And though my acting days are mostly swept away
I do what I wanna, 'cause bitch, I'm Madonna

But what I really want to do is direct
Cut, print, moving on

There comes a time in an artist's career (-reer, -reer, -reer)
When she decides to seek God
And put it in her songs (songs, songs, songs)
I took myself first-class on a journey (-ney, -ney, -ney)
To find a higher power and live my life in awe

I'm alive (don't care, don't care)
I'm alive (don't come too near)
I'm alive (don't care, don't care)
I'm alive

Hippy-dippy, trippy song (I'm alive)
A Kabbalah sing-along (I'm alive)
Won a Grammy for this song (-ong, -ong, -ong, -ong, -ong, -ong)
You go girl
Yas, God!

Hey, lady pop stars, all hail the queen
Welcome to my Fempire
After two decades in the biz
Now I can do whatever

Dress up like a pimp
Talk like a Brit
Things that used to get me banned
Are emulated across the land

Blaze new trails for others like me
You're welcome, Gwen Stefani
All the girls go Gaga for my grills
While I make it rain with my bills

My power isn't fake
And in front of Timberlake
I kissed Britney and Christina
And I liked it, Katy Perry

Hey, lady pop stars, all hail the queen
Welcome to my Fempire

(I'm still in the groove, yeah)
Oh, bitch, I got this
(Redefining the moves, yeah)
Don't be an ageist

I did pilates with some hotties in the aughts
Then took to the dance floor
Wearing pink for my confessions
Got hung up, Super Bowl, hard candy and Malawi
Said bye to Guy, thank God I'm single and not sorry

(My eighties ladies) have all come and gone
(Whitney, George, MJ) moonwalked on
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
I still grow 'cause I'm M-A-D-O-N-N-A, bitch

Sixty years and I keep topping
Ageist if you think I'm stopping
Classic looks but kids keep mocking
(I'm M-A-D-O-N-N-A, bitch)
Beyoncé, Gaga, Ariana
Girls, I still be here mañana
Sexy, not afraid to flaunt it
(I'm M-A-D-O-N-N-A, bitch)

Yes, I'm still Madonna
Fuck your sexist drama
When you hate it's just kablama
Don't preach 'cause I'm your mama
I'm M-A-D-O-N-N-A, bitch

(Compose, -pose, -pose)
I think the most controversial thing I have ever done
Is to stick around
Compose (-pose, -pose)
Okay, here we go
All Madonnas, spit a flow
Compose (-pose, -pose)

Like a Virgin, Like a Prayer
Cherish, True Blue, Truth or Dare
Dick Tracy, Drowned World Tour
Live to Tell, now Who's that Girl?
Express yourself, Material Girl
You got 4 Minutes to Save the World
Open Your Heart, don't get Hung Up
Papa, Don't Preach, I'm Burning Up

Living for Love, I'm Madame X
Into the Groove, a book called Sex
I'll Remember, so Don't Tell Me
Physical Attraction, for Dear Jessie
Beautiful Stranger, Crazy for You
Sorry, Hydrangea, I still loathe you
Girl Gone Wild, Rebel Heart
Causing a Commotion and that's just the start

Compose (-pose, -pose)
From Holiday to Medellin
When it comes to pop, I'm still your queen
I'm M-A-D-O-N-N-A, bitch!