God, I Hate Shakespeare

Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare
That's right, I said it (no!)
I do, I hate Shakespeare
(Why?) I just don't get it
How a mediocre actor from a measly little town
Is suddenly the brightest jewel in England's royal crown

Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare
His plays are wordy, but oh, no, the great Shakespeare
That little turd, he has no sense about the audience
He makes them feel so dumb
The bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb

How can you say that? How can you say that?
(It's easy, I can say it cause it's absolutely true)
Don't be a penis, the man is a genius
(His genius is he's fooling all of you)

But he's brilliant, what majesty flows from his pen
His poetry soars like a sweet violin
God's own inspiration, like lightning doth strike him
And he captures my soul (aw, jeez, you sound just like him!)

Really? Thanks!

You should hate Shakespeare
(Well, I don't, I try to emulate Shakespeare)
Well, there's your problem, you're so blinded by The Bard, who's such a pompous little man
(Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?)
Cause he's a hack with a knack for stealing anything he can

How can you say that? How can you say that?
The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play
You wish you could pen one, we wish we were in one
(I just wish that he would go away)

Well, that's not gonna happen because everybody I know says that he is the greatest writer that England has ever known

And that's another thing I hate about Shakespeare
Is all that twits who bloviate about Shakespeare
And how they prattle on about his great accomplishments
Well la-di-da-di-da
And once they start their gushing, there's no stopping them

And then it's blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Shakespeare
And he walks in it's dum-dedum-ta-da Shakespeare
He's holding court and they say
"Will, you're such a genius and your writing is divine
'A rose by any other name' is such a clever line"
And they're all "ooh" and he's all "stop"
And they're all "yay" and I'm all "ack!"
And I'm really getting sick of it
And oh, oh, oh

Oh, I hate Shakespeare
(I think by now, we sort of know you hate Shakespeare)
Shmakespeare!
The way he feigns humility when all he does is gloat
The way he wears that silly, frilly collar 'round his throat

The poster child for why no one should ever procreate
Let me make a shorter list and I will give it to you straight
Every little thing about Shakespeare is what I hate
(Hates, he hates, he clearly surely, really, truly hates Shakespeare)

Don't hate!