Message From Our Sponsor

We interrupt this program with a special bulletin
America is now under martial law. All constitutional rights have been
Suspended. Stay in your homes. Do not attempt to contact loved ones
Insurance agents, or attorneys. Shut up. Do not attempt to think or
Depression may occur. Stay in your homes. Curfew is at 7:00 p.m.
Sharp after work. Anyone caught outside the gates of their
Subdivision sectors after curfew will be shot. Remain calm. Do not
Panic. Your neighborhood watch officer will be by to collect urine
Samples in the morning. Anyone caught interfering with the collection
Of urine samples will be shot. Houses will be inspected for trace
Elements at noon. Anyone who fails to display the required embossed
Black velvet Mexican painting of Alexander Haig on their living room
Wall will be shot. Cameras and surveillance equipment will be posted
On all lampposts and streetlights. Anyone failing to attend required
Worship services on Sunday will be promptly arrested and dispatched
To a reeducation resort. Stay in your homes. Remain calm. The number
One enemy of progress is questions. National security is more
Important than individual will. All sports broadcasts will proceed as
Normal. No more than two people may gather anywhere without
Permission. Use only the drugs prescribed by your boss
Or supervisor. Shut up. Be happy. Obey all orders
Without question. The comfort you've demanded is now
Mandatory. Be happy. At last, everything is done for you