Tell Me, Ernest

So tell me, Ernest, what would you do to me? Aesthetically?
A lift, a tuck, a freeze, a suck, some filler in the chin?

Oh, goodness, no

No, really, tell me, Ernest, if you had your way with me
Medically, are we talking face, chest, thighs, breasts?
Oh, God, I don't know where to begin
What about the vein on my leg?
I stressed it out from doing squats on the reg
Do you have time on Tuesday to squeeze me in?

I told you, Ernest doesn't really do that

But she's a friend, Tuesday's doable

Mm, doable, huh?
So, tell me, Ernest, how much have you seen of me, cinematically?
The roms, the coms, the rom-coms, the dramas, the dramedies, the straight-to-DVDs
No, really, Ernest, how often have you watched me?

Uh, sporadically

What?

I really liked the one where you were fighting with a sword

Oh, 'Thrust'

That was her first Razzie award

You know I did all my own stunts
I only injured all of my co-stars once
Now swordplay foreplays one of my specialties
We need another bottle
I must be boring you senseless
I'm just so thrilled that you both are here
Treat her well, I haven't seen her this happy in years

Well, here, here

Thank you, bye, that's sincere

Cheers
I'm so glad we did this

Well, this has been so much fun, but oh, gosh, look at the time

Oh, please, you don't have anywhere else to be
Our Helen, always worrying
But tell me, Ernest
How's Helen in the sack?

Mad

Just curious
I've known this girl for twenty years
And never have I ever heard her make a uh-uh-woah

Hey

Oh, lighten up, Ernest

We should be heading back

Uh-oh, she's furious
Come on, now
You know I'm just having fun
Ooh, we've only begun
A toast to friends for life
That's right, you're stuck with me, Ernie
Thank your wife

Well, it's been fun, but we gotta go
I think I'm done, gotta hit the road

I must be boring you senseless

Oh, we must be boring you

I'm just so thrilled that we're out of here
We should do this again

How's next week?

How's next year?

Cheers, cheers

I'm so glad

So glad

So fucking glad

We did this