Who I Was

Ash and dust
Everythin' I care about enough
Burnin' up (yeah)
Nothin' left of who I thought I was (alright, turn my, uh, vocals up)
(And then just let it run) I was

Uh, stuck in traffic, tryna find my way to a home that I've never known
On a GPS with no address
So, I'll follow my heart, but my heart is scattered
Like my father's ashes in the back of the rental after I dropped his urn
Probably a metaphor for everythin' I've learned
Like how the only love I'll have is gonna crash and burn
Or how the poorest I've felt was after the most I've earned
The biggest lie told is that no one should be concerned

There's gotta be another highway that don't lead to Hell
A star to lead me through the darkest night like Christian Bale
I hid from God for more than two decades of life
And when I came back to the light, He didn't ask me if I'm Christian still
Just opened up His arms and embraced me like I'm His Son
Erasin' all the archetypes of what people like me become
Since I was young, my personality split like serpent's tongue
But all the poison in my body still ain't make me numb

I lost a best friend and felt all that
Cryin' on his open casket while I knelt on that
I had a best man picked out for my weddin'
But instead of gettin' married, I carried guilt and left all that
A vagabond that broke a bond for Boca Raton
Who all along regretted he never kept all that
I left everythin' behind but this engagement ring and a frozen heart
I'm standin' in the fire to melt all that, yeah

Ash and dust
Everythin' I care about enough (burn)
Burnin' up
Nothin' left of who I thought I was
I was

I, I, I was (yeah, burn)

Lash out
Need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like dad
Stuck in this loop like I am

I've called you, never heard back
After everythin' we've been through, the good and the bad
You're 'bout to throw it all away and overreact
Because I overreacted, karma I guess
My temper gets the best of me
A part of me that I wish I knew how to get rid of
It's the issue I have, my MO
Say I need you and I love you to death
Then turn around and go and treat you like you nothin' but trash, I know

I know I messed that part up, but

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
Yeah, I know
Sometimes, I lash out
Need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like dad
Stuck in this loop like I am, I -