The Ignominious Demise Of Dr. Pilchard

Gunpowder Tim and Ashes O'Reilly, laid down by brute force alone
With Nastya succumbing to a computer virus
Drumbot Brian was marched to the brig at gunpoint
Ivy was enticed there by the prospect of a book fair
Raphaella la Cognizi chloroformed in her lab
The Toy Soldier caved into peer pressure
Jonny... caved into octokitten pressure
And as for Marius... I just asked him nicely

Are we sitting comfortably?
No
Good, then I'll begin

Finally I've got you trapped in here with me
Your ship is seized, now you're on your knees
You're overpowered, within the hour
You'll be inside my laboratory

Life, life, eternity
This is the gift you'll give to me
True immortality
All your secrets soon I'll see

You know I must admit I'm impressed
I don't remember the last time anyone managed to incapacitate us all like this

Wasn't it that aristocratic one with all the knives?

Ah, the Marquis de All the Knives...
Now there was a worthy foe

Soon there'll be nothing money cannot buy
They'll trade their wealth for eternal life
The strife of man since the world began
Is to conquer death, and that's my plan

Life, life, eternity
This is the gift you'll give to me
True immortality
All your secrets soon I'll see

Ugh, why is it always immortality?
Why does no one ever want anything more interesting?

I know, right? What about, say, gold?
I have all this gold lying around

Yeah, why do you have all that gold?

Oh, it's uh... It's for tax purposes

Hear my words, I'm an honest man
I'll tell you where our crew began
The workshop hides in our ship's insides
And I'll take your there, for it's wrong to lie

Life, life, eternity
Granted by this laboratory -

No!
I'll go alone to see
You won't escape that easily

He thought I was tricking him...
I wasn't tricking him!

You sent him alone, unarmed, to the Doc's lab

Point taken

Life... eternity...
I don't want this gift!
Keep her away from me!
Oh, stay back! Stay back!

And... we never saw him again