Dangerous Playgrounds

I love having kids, kids just got it made, you kids whine about stuff
You got it made, your playgrounds are awesome
Your playgrounds are safe!
You got wood chips, rubber mats, lawyers

You got all kinds of cool stuff
When I was a kid, we had playgrounds on cement
There are some rides you don't see on playgrounds anymore
You don't see the merry-go-round anymore, do you?

There's a real good reason for that
There wasn't nothin merry about the merry-go-round
It was the terror-go-round, as well well
The steel wheel of death, that's what we used to call it

You knew that ride was over when you were flung into gravel, you know that thing
Tough skin jeans fly off one direction, your totally naked
Mummy! Time to form my dinner
You get on that merry-go-round

The bully would always push you on, "Get on dude, your gonna love it"
You like, "I'm gonna puke!" Exactly, exactly
Remember the teeter totter?
That one taught you trust didn't it?

Like a human catapult was that thing
You had to trust that other person
He got off your off, ha, ha
"Ok, see you later, I gonna go to the hospital"

Worse was our slides, remember our slides?
Made out of metal
Its 100 degrees outside you in your shorts
Not talkin Nike shorts

I'm talking those cutoff jean shorts
With the pockets sticking out of the bottom
80 feet up
I'm ready! eh, eh, eh-

Smoke and sparks flying out of your crocks, ah, ah
I'm only halfway down man! oh
I smell something burning what is that?
And that wasn't the worst part, remember goin home?
Your mom would spray bactine all over your body?
Remember scraping up your knee?
"Roll up your pants, I'm gonna spray some bactine on it

It's gonna be better. I don't want you gettin ganggreen
Come on let me see you leg, ok, "Pshh"
Aah! aah! aah!
What was that? oh!

"That means it working
That means it's penetrating and killing all that gunk
Stop screaming and thank me
You should thank me for that

If I didn't do it they'd chop your legs off."
Well, next time why don't you wack away?
Even our board games were dangerous
Remember operation?

Plug that in that wall get electrocuted? That was fun. Yeah
Get the bread basket, bluh, ah,ah
I think I lost, let me check the rules here, ah
"If the player is tasting metal, he loses"
Yeah, I'm tasting metal, I lose
'Cause I'm tasting it right now
My mom thought Vicks Vapor rub cured everything

What is Vicks Vapor rub? Why are we still using it?
We don't even know what it is
It's like vasoline and gasoline mixed together
What is Vicks Vapor rub? Little bit of mint

Why would you rub that on a kid you love?
Like, "Come here honey, you gonna feel better in the morning"
"I hope so, 'cause now I'm sick and I smell, thanks mommy!"
I am like a mentholated stock ball walking around the house